On April 11 2015, our baby, Caroline Elizabeth Goodman, was born via emergency C-section. Unfortunately, her lungs were poisoned with her first breath, and despite the best efforts of the best doctors, she was unable to recover. After 28 hours of life, my husband Shawn and I made the decision to remove her life support and allow her to die. We were both devastated. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to us.
Yet, in a way, it has been an uplifting experience. I have never been more authentic and human than in the throes of my deepest grief. The community Shawn and I have built through our lifetimes of being Unitarian Universalists, and surrounding ourselves with loving people in many different settings, in so many places with so many people, really came through to show us their love and support.
The amount of love and care, not only from the people we know, but from virtual strangers as well, has shown us how important community is to the healing process. I viscerally felt loved by so many people, and because of that I could believe that we were going to be fine. My theology was only confirmed by this experience: the community that love us make it possible for us to be resilient.
I have grown – as a human being, as a bereaved mother, as a minister – through these challenges. I did not back away from the world, instead I have embraced the opportunities that have come my way even when they felt like unbearable pain, and especially when they felt like enormous love.
“From difficulties with her pregnancy (which had not only physical and ramifications, but ministerial ones) to the wrenching loss of her daughter Caroline, Rev. Goodman has been walking uphill all the way. Nonetheless, she has done so with grace, skill, judgment, and resilience. I have been impressed over and over again at how Rev. Goodman has bounced back from adversity, each time with a renewed sense of purpose and determination.” – Rev. Catharine B. Clarenbach